May 11 Tee off is 9:00 AM - be here by 8:45 if possible! And if you ain't dead!

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.
The man said to the dentist,
"Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry.!
I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf.
So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it
. We have a 10:00 am tee time at the best golf course in town
and it's 9:30 already.
I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"
The dentist thought to himself,
"My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled
without using anything to kill the pain."
So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said,
"Open your mouth honey, and show him".

May 4th Results - Team Play One Low Gross and One Low Net

What a fabulous turnout today! 50!

Larry Sill, Dave Hay and company!

Take a bow for organizing and scoring 

(well as if anyone turned in any proper bloody scorecards!)

Your work and leadership is greatly appreciated by someone

but none of today's losers seemed to be able to put it into words

so I did it for them!

First there was a funeral dirge for the Salmon Arm Weldon Steel team - great stuff guys  3 points out of 12 is great considering you were up against a 75 year old scratch golfer!

Tomorrow is another chapter and the mighty team of Nyfeler, Sveistruip, some other foreigner and Hayward take on the boys from Shuswap Lakes - go get them!

Now to the fine results of today's Action!

Our scorers determined that  five people got deuce's today - 

Del Macready, Ron Watson, Peter ? Huh?,

Jorgen Smith, and Doug (can't get no respect!) Rutledge 

managed to finagle $5 each from the coffers.

 As you can see they enjoyed showing off their fine deuce forms!

Now we can get down to the real games!

This is really like Kindergarten cause almost everyone got to win! 

Tied for 6th Spot and winning a grand total of $5 a team were:

Flavio the Latin Lover Facchin, Bill M. Brown, Barry Hill ( he is still whining about his deuce pot from last week!) and Les Ekstrom.

Then Bev McIntosh, Erwin Nyfeler, and Terry Haines and who these other gals were only Erwin knows!

and finishing off this lovely group of clear losers was the team of  Bob Helfrich, Angus Gouthro, Rick Baker, and Dandy Dan Watt.

This is how the rest of us saw the 6th place finishers!

Tied for 4th and 5th place were the awful teams of:  Del Macready, Doug Pockett,  Art Harms, and Ron Watson.

They of course were tied with an equally inept group of Brenda White, Larry Sill, and Dave Bacon.

These two teams managed to split $25 between each of them and they were so happy!

Now we are moving on up to the real big time : In 3rd place was the team of Bill (I love the new sand traps!) Brown, John French Horn, Don Toot Allen and Gerry Campbell.

As you can see Rutledge wanted 

to give French the dreaded donkey ears!

The next group that tied and got $50 for their team was a shady group consisting of: Doug (I can't get no respect around here!) Rutledge, John ( I love having my picture taken!) Campbell,

Brian (It's warm enough now so my mommy will let me ride my motorbike up here! Where am I?) Whitehead, and Mark ( Hey I hit a straight ball once today!) Nadler.

They were all real shy of the camera! So I took some shady pictures of them!

Now Ta Da! We have the number one el primo grupo! They managed to split $70 between them cause they hit long, hard, and scored brilliantly - well that's what we tried to figure out of what Fred Hamarlund did in writing up three scorecards wrong! But who cares when you win! Right?

Jack Angstad (honest I have only golfed three times this year and the doctor who scraped my knee said he doesn't think it will work real good - shot a 78!) , Freddie Freeloader, Mr. He HE HE ( I get to ride in on Skoberg and Angstad's coattails again!) and the GORILLA. AKA Dana Skoberg!

As usual everyone was very happy with their win!

 I mean come on it was $70 smackeroos - you got to celebrate!

There were some other players on the links today! 

Why? Hard to figure out! 

They were there, they played (not very well apparently!) and couldn't even cheat at the scoring! 

Go figure!

In this corner were Ben and Audrey Nielsen, Don Pooch, and some other also ran.

They were closely followed by this group of also wuzzes.

Ladies you should have realized that you have to do more than carry Hayward!

 This foursome played madly all over the course - Faulkner thought she was out hunting tigers again! Nice try but go fishing next time Audrey!

Last but not least was this happy group of two golfers and some old wino they pulled out of the ditch while looking for a pop can or two!

Too bad Ed and Jorgen - you had to play with the handicap of the course again! But he drinks real good!

Jack Angstad ( who hasn't played but three times in two or three? years was out and despite the warning from his doctor that he shouldn't even be alive he managed to walk around the course and deliver a wonderful sermon to the closely attending throng who had to put up with his "Oh I hardly ever hit a ball that far!" or "You know I never sink a putt from off the green more than twice a round!") was awarded the coveted Senior's token of the week for his scintillating and never to be repeated 78 today!

Tee Time is 9:00 AM on Wednesdays Now!

Just a reminder - don't forget to get your lazy butt out the door

and to the course by 8:30 AM!

A couple of jokes to start the week!

A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart

and asks where the pharmacy counter is.

He is directed to it.

When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist.

The blonde pharmacist comes and the man,

 looking around furtively, asks quietly,

"Do you sell Viagra here?"

The blonde pharmacist answers firmly,

 "Yes, sir. We certainly do."

The man then asks

 "Do you think I could get it over the counter?"

The Blonde pharmacist thinks for a moment and then says,

"If you took five or six pills at once you might." 

 

ONLY A TRUE GOLFER WILL UNDERSTAND THESE

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club... or two more balls.

If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out,

you have two options:

You can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear

and then top a ball halfway there...

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion

 that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.

Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt. For a 10.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule

 is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

It's not a gimme if you're still 5 feet away.

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line

 that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; I.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.

One of my personal favorites:

There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands:

How many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

Hazards attract; fairways repel. Keep this in mind.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker.

If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

It's easier to get up at 6:00 am. to play golf than at 10:00 am. to mow the lawn.

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot.

A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are....

That's why I get so many calls to play with friends.

If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.

Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen.

And you need to buy fresh ones each week.

It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).

It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon.

On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and fart, if you are performing Brain Surgery!!!!

 

Wednesday, April 27 Results of Texas Scramble

Tee times for Seniors' Golf start 9:00 AM 

so please be here by 8:30 AM so we can get started!

$6!

Lunch was soup and sandwich today

(turkey and tuna salad and cream of broccoli soup 

with fruit tray and a dessert tray to choose from!) 

Service was quick and simple - you just stepped up and got your own! 

Price was $7.95 plus HST!

Any Feedback to Larry, Dave, Al, Don, Ley, Rick or Ken would be appreciated! 

Good Luck to the Weldon Steele group who are representing our club at Salmon Arm tomorrow!

They had a rough ride last week here! 

Salmon Arm shot the lights out!

Dana Skoberg says this is how he felt after the round!

Barry Hill managed to sneak in a natural deuce today 

- Texas Scramble was the format! 

He was kind enough to leave early so we had a drink in his honour and with his money! 

Didn't we?

Weiners today in the Gross category were FIRST!

Gloria Tewnion, ?mystery man, Charles Molloy 

and Dave Hampton 

- how they can justify living off 

a poor woman's labour mystifies most of us!

Second by just a whisker was the fine foursome of Don Trainwrecker, John Ballwrecker, 

Shirley (don't hit me again Shirley!) and Ferne Gosselin.

As you can see these women 

know how to handle the situation!

Third only because the judges were paid off by the first two above teams - was the foursome of  Smooth as silk, 

The Danish Mathematician, 

Laurel Divine 

and Jerry Campbell.

Laurel was celebrating after carrying those guys all day!

Fourth and last cause there were no others was the group of Mr. He He He, John French Fry, 

Angus Four Letter Friend Getter 

and Dana 

(I have never hardly ever hit a ball that far before 

as he picks up his ball 20 yards 

beyond the 100 yard marker on number 14!) 

Gorilla!

Robertson and French were sure they were playing with someone like this today 

as both Angus and Dana acted this way!

Because the powers that be don't let you win both low Gross and Low Net - loud jeers from cheaper seats at this point! - the Low nets were allowed to have their prizes awarded!

First out was the group of Barry Hill, Paul, Myrtle and Lincoln Cadogan - note that Hill left early to avoid any embarassing questions!

Second Low nets was this fine group led by Tave Dandy - how the hell Velestuk managed to make it is open to question and the other two guys were too embarassed to give me their names!

Third in the Low Net category was the sandbagging group of Grace (Will she fall from?), Mr. Fisherman, Dave Bacon and Heather Flap Flap!

Dumont was seen later down by the pond!

 In Fourth spot in this rather unsavoury competition was the group of Del Macready, Jumping Jack, and Crash Hay!

It's good to see that Dave is back and up to his old tricks!

 He always leads by fine example!

These other groups were too kind to take away any of the fabulous prizes awarded today and we thank them!

Pooch, My Leg is Better now thanks Baker, Ley Which way did it go? and Arlene (Jump when I speak to you Pooch!) Sahlstrom.

SO TEE TIME IS 9:00 AM STARTING NEXT WEEK!

37 were out this week and let's see if we can make it 40 + next week!

If I missed your name please give me a shout 

and I'll make it up to you!

 

Katherine is one of our new servers 

and it was a hectic start with 41 Seniors out today!

Sandy is our new chef and she hails from the McCracken Pub! 

Welcome Sandy!

This was the kind of play action that we were involved with today with Ugly Ball!
(You might have to click on the picture above!)

Somehow John DuMont was given the Token Of the Week! 

Last week he made his team trudge through the rain and sleet for all 18 holes!

Apparently he had a deuce and thought he would get paid if he finished the round 

- what a guy will do for 5 bucks!

Weldon Steele competition starts next Thursday!

Weldon Steele  April 21 at Salmon Arm  - 

we have Don Ozubko, Dana Skoberg, Ley MacMillan 

and Don Puhach defending our honour!  

April 28 they are here!

Good luck!

Cause as you can see the competition is fierce!

Deuces came hot and heavy today! 

Ron Hayward, Ley MacMillan, John Campbell, Doug Pockett

and John French 

were all able to roll in some good ones!

UGLY BALL Team competition with 41 out was tough 

but the Usual Sandbaggers managed to take a net team 131 

and first place!

Doug Rutledge, Don Puhach, John Dumont? How the hell did he get in there? and Dave Hampton were our grand winners this week! Congratulations!

They enjoyed a good hot tub after their hard work! 

You figure out whose butt is whose!

2nd place team was Del Macready, Don Ozubko, Al Jakel and Ferne Gosselin 

with a net 133 - 

the ladies were certainly the mainstay of this group!

Coming in Third were Laurel Gouthro, Dana Skoberg, Jerry Campbell 

and Doug (I've got a hole in my!) Pockett.

As you can see Pockett wasn't sure whether he was golfing or parking carts!

Two Groups tied for Fourth place with nets of 136.

Arlene Sahlstrom, Lincoln and Myrtle Cadogan with their fourth gone home.

Then these three sort of backed into the spot by accident 

cause they thought they were here to play shuffleboard.

Larry Sill, Bob Helfrich, and Ron Hayward.

Some other folk showed up and managed to hit some balls occasionally, fumble around in various corners of the course and then had lunch 

- Oh they paid for the above groups prizes!

Brenda White, Charlie Molloy and Dave Bacon had fun!

This group were in the picture but Campbell refused to be in the scene!

 John French, Gloria Tewnion and Mr. My leg hurts too much today Baker also played 

- tiddlywinks apparently!

Ken White was partnered with 

Sal Harms 

(sorry Sal your photo was not one you would want published!)

and Angus Gouthro 

(he and Laurel went home before lunch) also played.

Mr. Smooth as Silk, Les Ekstrom, Art Harms and Ley MacMillan also were on the course

but apparently all over it at times too!

Heather Heron and Shirley Wicklund did not have big enough shoulders 

to carry Robertson and Sveistruip !

First they had to help Robertson look for the dang UGLY Ball which cost them four strokes - Shirley didn't like his attitude and tuned him up!

 They are a tough group to play with!

Then Shirley demonstrated why Seniors shouldn't be allowed near Electronic gear as she managed to send her electric cart over the edge of number 13! 

She stretched her arm way way out but the cart managed to get 1/2 way 

down the hill before it exploded!

She hits hard and has a long reach! 

She and Heather also shot great golf!