Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A Retirement Joke courtesy of Rick Baker!

One day a man decided to retire...

 
He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

 

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.
 
  

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
     
 
In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from?  How did you get here?"
She replies,
"I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."
"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, where did you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed.  I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
The guy is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says.
 
So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to an cabin and tree house. 
 
   While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck.  As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home.  Sit down, please."

"Would you like a drink?"

"No!  No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed.  "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still.  How would you like a Tropical Spritz?" 
 
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable.  Would you like to take a shower and shave?  There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom.  There, in the cabinet is a razor
made from a piece of tortoise bone.  Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
 
"This woman is amazing," he muses.  "What's next?" 
 
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.
 
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. There's something I'm certain you feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for, right?"  She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing.
"You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, 
 
 
 
 
 
 


 
"You've built a Golf Course ?"  []

Monday, May 16, 2011

May 18 Garbage golf to you too!

The powers that be have decreed that we will be playing "garbage" golf this week!
This according to the Einstein of Golf Games (AKA Dave "Crash" Hay!) is how it works!
EAGLE POINT SENIORS GOLF
Wed May 18  9 AM Shotgun Start!
“Garbage”
Team Game
·    All Players play their own ball from tee thru green.
·    On top of card record each players gross score.            
·    On bottom of card, on each hole, using players “strokes”, record the total points for the team as follows:
·    1 pt for net bogie
·    2 pts for net par
·    3 pts for net birdie
·    4 pts for net eagle
·    5 pts for net double eagle
·    Add up the total of “garbage” points after 18 holes for team total
·    3-somes take turns playing two balls
And according to the same self appointed prat here is how a score card would look!


If you can figure this out then you are another wizard!

This is what should happen to guys that make up these rules!


                                             
                                           
                                           
                                           





Wednesday, May 11, 2011

May 11 Results of 1-2-3 Low net - What the?

Fifty-six out today - a record 
- Larry Sill was unable to golf cause so many showed up 
and at the end he was without a group to go with so actually there were 57 out 
- great stuff! 
15 Ladies and Shirley were out! 
Oh and Shirley Wicklund shot a DEUCE in case you didn't know it yet!

Did you hear the good news today? Shirley shot a DEUCE in case she hasn't told you yet!
HE HE HE


These other low lifers were also on the course and managed to score $5 deuces too!
Dave Barker, Dave Assmus, Dave Hampton, and Sal Harms!
Sometimes don't you wish you could do this to the Deuce winners?

Apparently the Ladies Ina Guile Team was out at Sunshore last week 
and they were absolutely thrashed about 38 1/2 to 33 1/2
- what can you do?

The Men's Weldon Steele team hosted Shuswap Lake this past Thursday
and you know the guys don't ever (hardly ever) let you down! 
They took 5 1/2 points out of a possible 6  and that goes to prove something?

Tomorrow they are up against Shuswap at Shuswap and  Robertson is taking Sveistrup's place 
so he hopes there are some big coattails to ride to a victory on!

Now to the results of 56 people playing 1-2-3 Low Net 
- first hole you score the lowest net,
next hole you score the 2 lowest nets 
and the 3rd hole you score the three lowest nets. 
Then you  add them all up
and hope that Fred Hamarlund has done your scoring for you 
cause you always win when Freddie adds them up!

Two teams were tied for 8th spot and got $20 a team!
Bill ( I's got some sand caught between me toes!) Brown, John Winder?, 
the ever Divine Laurel, 
and Barry (Did you guys really drink my Deuce money?) Hill.

As you can see Ley MacMillan was almost asleep at the switch, 
Mark Nadler was sure they would have won had they used his scores, 
Gerry Campbell is seeking an appeal 
and Erwin Nyfeler is thinking that Swiss Pastries aren't so bad after all!

Then we move right along to 6th place.
 Bob Helfrich, Dave Assmus, Flavio Facchin and Freddie Freeloader were quick to collect their money before somebody checked Freddie's scoring again!

Then we had two teams tied for 5th spot.

Bev McIntosh and Tave Dandy managed to drag home John Dumont and John French.

As you can see Dumont wasn't really into the game 
and French should have kept reeling them in but instead they played golf!?


Dave Bacon, Karen King, and Lorraine Zimmer managed to get Ozubko before he got to the bar and  unlike last week he was stone cold sober to face the golfing Gods today - apparently last week's picture got him in trouble on the home front! Good! He He He!
 As you can see when Ozubko is driving anything is possible!

Now we get down to the really good golfers who were out on the course today!
In Third spot was the foursome of:
 Linc Cadogan, Jorgen or Jon Sveistrup or Smith, Rob (Mr. Cool is back!) Egan and the ever patient Myrtle Cadogan.


They were able to invest in a real hot vehicle with their winnings and wandered on home!

In Second place only cause they didn't have the fine talents of Freddie Freeloader to do their scoring was the team of:



Del Macready (shot a 90!), 
Pooch, 
Mr. He He He (Shot an 89 and got a 4 on 14 Net 3!) 
and Dave (I branged my D game to the course today!) Hampton.

They loved posing for their formal picture after the event! 
Not sure who wore the dress?

Now the clouds part, the trumpets blare, the sun shines and here are the Number One Premier Group this week!


Deuces are wild was there, Ed (How the hell did he make it again?) Velestuk, 
and new to the group so we had to let them win were 
Mel (Old hometown boy!) Cassidy
and his charming daughter Mary!

 The very coveted Senior Token of the week was WON? by Lorraine Zimmer. 
She managed to finagle to be closest to the pin in the sand box on Hole #4  
- congratulations! 
We think!

There were some charming other groups out on the course today!

Angus ( I tell you man I'm gonna hit that dimple faced *****! Real Hard!) Gouthro, Gloria Tewnion, Jack (Flash) Mathews, and some police dog handler that got lost on the way to work! (Claimed he had to keep an eye on Angus!)
Gloria apparently lead this group through a special maze that was built just for her!

He He He - the pain I'll suffer will be worth it!

Also ran out of the park and off the course today was this charming group!

Dave (yes he is scared of a little pussy! 
See Wednesday, July 21, 2010 if you don't believe me!) 
Barker,
Doug (I've got a hole in my!) Pockett, Ron (Ain't I pretty today!?) Hayward, and Callaway lost it's investment potential when they let Charlie Molloy wear their hat!
This could be a better game for these guys to play!

They were accompanied by this group!
 Arlene (How the heck did Pooch win? He better get the carpet cleaned before I get home!) Sahlstrom, Art and Sal Harms (she said the link would work and I let you be the judge!) and Heather Heron.

 They took losing real hard and even Jacques didn't want to stop them on the way home!

This group of charmers were also wuzzes on the course today!

The Tiger lady was in full form and Dave (Crash) Hay was there - 
Campbell who loves getting his picture was around the course 
but mostly asleep at the switch 
and Brian Whitehead was allowed by his mommy to ride his motorbike up to the course
(on the premise that he probably would get lost on the way home!) 
was there too but he hates his picture being taken 


- notice he gets really red eyed about it!

These two groups seemed to appear like a mirage now and then 
- did they play on the course or what!?
They refused to answer questions about their results - for good reason apparently -
heavy drinking was the order of the day for them!

Jack (I have shot a 78 don't you know!) Angstad, Bill Brown, 
Dana (The real gorilla!) Skoberg and the ever charming
Ferne Gosselin were here today!
So was this group of great sports
- what one they played today was hard to tell!

Ron ( If I knew my Tort from your assets!) Watson, 
Rick ( I hit the ball long and I hit the ball straight but never at the same time!) Baker, 
Terry ( I am sure I heard the Umpire call it a foul ball?) Haines
and yes she did - she fell from Grace!

This was how their game went!

So remember be here by 8:30 AM on Wednesdays, bring your wives or girlfriends 
- not both dummy 
and pay your six bucks and be happy everyone gets to laugh at you 
- you aren't that damn good you know!