Summerland Seniors Golf Tournament Announcement

THURSDAY,AUGUST 18TH
9:00 A.M. Shotgun Start
$2,500 Hole In One Prize
Grand Draw Prize – SkyCaddie
ENTRY FEE: $65 Format: STROKE PLAY Gross & Net Prizes in Four Handicap
Categories Power Cart Rental: $15 Limited to the first 128 Entries Require Verified Handicap Card No Refunds unless cancellation
received by August 11th Mail Entry & Cheque to:
Summerland Senior Men’s Open
c/o Summerland G & CC
P.O. Box 348
Summerland, B.C. V0H 1Z0
Summerland Golf & Country Club
Golf Shop: 250 – 494-9554; Fax: 250 494-3257
Email: kensgc@shawbiz.ca

 

SUMMERLAND GOLF & COUNTRY CLUB
SENIOR MEN’S INVITATIONAL TOURNAMENT
THURSDAY, AUGUST 18TH, 2011; 9:00 A.M. SHOTGUN START
ENTRY FEE: $65; PLUS $15 IF POWER CART REQUIRED
NAME______________________________ PHONE_____________________
ADDRESS____________________________________POSTAL CODE___________
EMAIL ADDRESS______________________ HOME CLUB______________________
HANDICAP FACTOR______________
POWER CART REQUIRED: YES_______ NO________; MEMBER CART________
CREDIT CARD AUTHORIZATION:
I authorize $_____ to be charged to my credit card. Credit Card Type___________
Credit Card No._______________________ Expiry Date__________
Signature____________________________
Mail Entry and Cheque to:
SUMMERLAND SR. MEN’S GOLF TOURNAMENT
C/0 Summerland Golf & Country Club
2405 Mountain Avenue
Credit Card Entries may be faxed or emailed. Fax No.: 250 494-3257 or emailed to kensgc@shawbiz.ca

June 29 Results of "Ugly Ball" Competition

It was not only Ugly - it was Windy

- much like the girls or guys you used to date in High School!

Right!?

Weldon Steele against Spallumacheen was on today there! Rick Baker, Charles Molloy, Esquire!, and Mr. Cool (AKA Rob Egan! But don't let him putt!) plus some other poor sod was there today - hope it went well!

Revelstoke was here today and away next week - Larry Sill, Al Jakel, Dave Hay and somebody were meeting them here today and looking forward to being trampled by the Italian Stallion from Revvy!

We hope it went better than this!

July 14 and 21 - Rivershore is here and then there - Charles Molloy, Esquire!, and Mark Girton (Dang I got a dent in my roof from a guy driving off #3 today!) are signed up and need a couple of others to complete the lineup!

One Deuce today

- the old Yodeller Doug Rutledge has managed to sell his house, sing his songs, play his ukelele and sank a lucky putt today!

Good luck in the selection to Canada`s top SEASONED performers this summer Doug!

Now to the REAL story - we played UGLY BALL

- you know the one that Angus loves so F***ing much

that he cries in his beer afterwards!

Even if it is someone else`s beer!

Two teams tied for fourth and fifth spots.

Terry Haines had fled the scene of the crime

and Pooch thought he could just chow it all down

- Wickie had her work cut out for her

and Rutledge just relaxed after getting rid of his house!

We all know what Pooch`s specialty is!

Tied for ineptness in cheating on the scorecards was this fine dark group!

(Hayward handled the camera and it went dark cause the force is never with him!)

Vic Froese stayed out on the course to get in some extra practise cause he needed to!

Laurel drove long and hard and only had trouble around the green and putting but still did well and Fern kept the group together - Robertson only was around to collect the money - like most investments he put in $6 and came out with $5!

The crowds were awed by their overall performance however!

Now if you find some mistakes in the next weiners you will understand that my handwriting was alcohol addled.

In third spot (despite Assmus recording a 74 today!) was the magnificent team of Dana (AKA Gorilla!) Skoberg, Charles Molloy, Esquire, and Dave Assmus - their fourth ran away.

Apparently he claimed he was going to help a damsel in distress with something or other!

Then tied for 2nd and 1st today were these two teams: and in no particular order of merit when you see who they are comprised of!:

Arlene (Pooch I`m gonna have you vacuuming the lawn if you let yourself get another picture taken like that!) Sahlstrom,

Mark (Dang I got a headache from that ball hitting my roof today!) Girton,

Doug ( I ain`t got pockets big enough to carry all the money I won last night and today!) Pockett,

and our very own Junior Senior Ian Jacques.

This was Pockett riding home after the big win!

Jacques had to go to work and you know hoisting the dog over the fence is his specialty!

The other clear thinking and intelligent sort of creatures who managed to use the ladies tee boxes for the men`s tees and got into a smart game of gimmes from 40 feet was:

Dave Bacon, Heather Flamingo, Mr. Cool (but don`t let him putt!) Rob Egan, and Barry (Gone with the wind!) Hill.

They sort of looked like this to the rest of the field!

Completing our wonderful days events was the awarding of the Tony Robbins most inspired and inspiring golf talk to himself - the grand Soliloquist award and Senior Token of the Week was presented to Mr. Happy Talk Jakel!

These other groups had no particular standing in the days events they simply let the wind wash their sins away and commented on how nice ice fishing was as  a sport they truly enjoyed!

Mr. Gadget, The Real Token Canadian, and Mrs. Fish were on the course and dear to our hearts but grand losers still the same - though Audrey was seen instructing someone down at the lake to be careful in how they got her catch home!

Also on the course and clearly not in the winner`s circle today was:

Mr Moustache and Teeth,

Mrs. Woe be to ye who forget to publish my picture! Peterson,

Angus (the man of many ways on how to address a golf ball!

Most beginning with you dimplefaced **** ****** and other assorted vulgarities

(Hearing is an education in life`s hard knocks!) and old Mr. 78 Angstad!

As you can see they celebrated in style by getting Michelle to join them in the after party!

Some other notable also rans were this fine group of three!

Madeline (SWMBO) Robertson, Fast Eraser Freddie Hamarland, and Ed (Seniors golf is great just before the Hawaiian Wedding for my Daughter) Velestuk.

They got right down and partied after their walk in the wind!

Another group of lost ball specialists was the team of : Larry (not Wendell!) Sill, Dave (Have you seen my bike?) Hay and of course the ever vibrant and vivacious Del Macready - (Jerry made me say that!)

The Donkey ears were courtesy of Mr Jakel!

We managed to get a picture of Dave on his ride home!

 We did a drive by of most of the homes of the LOSERS and managed to pick upsome pretty cheap golf gear!

 ANNOUNCEMENTS

There is no Seniors Golf till July 13.

If you can help out at the Junior Girls Championship next week here at Eaglepoint check with the Pro Shop in case they need some more help. 

Thanks to those who have already volunteered! 

Heather says she so loves doing these organizing things that she will make it a full time career next year!

Mind you Dave says that keeping her hanging around the house is more entertaining.

June 22 Results of the Las Vegas Style golf! (Revised!)

Las Vegas Golf is sort of like this washing the canoe incident - just when you thought you had it made the dang die was rolled and you got a shot of water in your ear!
Click on the picture to see the action!

 

Oh well! it turned out pretty good for some luckbags!

47 were out today and the organizers found a "great game" off the internet and us poor foolhardy souls as usual asked no dang questions and went baaing like sheep to the slaughter!

When the dust settled these were the WEINERS!

(sure wish that Congressman who resigned had been named Richard Weiner!)

In 6th spot and tied were these two "sterling?" groups!

Pooch and Mark Girton stayed around and managed the shame but Jorgen Sveistrup and Barry Hill slouched off and were gone in clouds of dust!

They were trying to apportion blame apparently!

Tied with them were the team of Larry Sill, Bob Helfrich, Dennis Fitzmaurice and some other has been.

Oh yeah it was Ozubko and here he is driving the train again!
Click on the picture to see Donnie O in operation!

Don really loved his job!

Now in 5th place was the team of Dave Bacon, John French who also left early due to intense anxiety over finishing out of the top money!,  Dave Hampton and Can't get no respect around here Rutledge!

They practise intensely for each game!

You figure out who is who!

In fourth spot was the team of Bev McIntosh, Myrtle Cadogan, Arlene Sahlstrom and some old guy they picked up cheap at the ticket booth!

He kept his eyes closed in fear of being found out!

The gals were celebrating but Wayne was not amused!

Now we start to get our engines running hot cause in third place was this awesome? team!

Gloria Tewnion - (she still hasn't seen the maze for blondes yet!), Ferne Technology challenged Gosselin, Ley Mr. Gadget MacMillan and some gorilla they found scrounging in the dumpsters!

Ley kept them on the straight and narrow apparently!

Ley loves these "jokes"!

In Second Place was the team of Madeline Robertson?? Huh?, Brian Dennis, Lorraine Zimmer, and Karen King!

How they won is open to question but their lips were sealed except for their beers!

They sort of dressed down after the game!

Now the top dogs this week was the team of Ken Rollier - what the he**? How did that *** get in there? and Terry Haines - a known felon and Audrey Faulkner who can only fish and Laurel Gouthro - man the things she gets into when Angus ain't around!

Apparently they kind of played super today!

These other wussies and have beens were on the course today and in no particular order they shuffled around the course and paid their money so we had to put them in here.

What's his name, Ed Velestuk and Mr. Cool stumbled around. 

Their fourth left them in shame and embarassment.

Big Bad John, Audrey who had to drag Ben around the course again and Shirley who sometimes drives her cart off the course were there.

They thought the game was cool dude!

These three clowns just couldn't finish - this writer rightfully apportioned the blame on Dave Haymeister and Dave Smooth as Silk, cause Mr. He He He played an awesome game!

They looked like this most of the day!

Finally this group of hopefuls or hopelessnesses were also on the course 

but apparently had trouble locating it on most shots!

Lincoln Cadogan, Freddie Hamarlund and Angus Gouthro toured up and down but not successfully!

Amazing the things they did out there today!

This group of has beens and never wuzzes were miffed that they were not pictured till now!

Rick Baker, your average Token Canadian, Marilyn Peterson and Gerry Campbell!

As you can see, I worry a lot about missing these people!

Some announcements - Eaglepoint men played Spallumacheen here last week and are down 2.5 to 3.5 on the return leg to S  - forget it I can't spell it! and good luck tomorrow!

Revelstoke is here in a week and Jakel, Sill, Hay and Assmus are playing them - good luck cause the Italian Stallion from Revelstoke is ready to rip them up again!

Help is still needed for the Ladies 2 Ball tourney on July 11 - sign up sheets at the Pro Shop.

Ferne Gosselin managed to win the Senior token driving range ticket this week for her technologically challenged handling of her runaway golf cart on hole three! It reminded us of Shirley's run down the hill on hole 13 a few weeks back!

See you here at 8:30 AM next Wednesday 

- get your big fat out of bed!

June 15 Chinook Cove Golf!

Congrats to Larry Sill who managed to win something at the tournament - First or second low net in the 0 - 14 flight I believe - sometimes Senior Player Mark Bodlak won the Low Gross! Congrats to all!

I believe Larry Sill, Rick Baker, Ley MacMillan, Al Jakel, Don Puhach, Jorgen Sveistrup, Charlie Molloy and Ken Robertson were there!?  

This is how Molloy and Robertson felt after the round!
You might have to click on the picture!

Rick Baker has been perusing the net and found this gem to pass on!

Cancel your credit card before you die.

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange : Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.' Citibank : ' The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'Maybe you should turn it over to collections.'
Citibank : 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
Citibank : 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?' Citibank : 'Excuse me?' Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'
Citibank : 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'
Citibank : ' The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
Citibank : (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)
Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given)
After they get the fax :
Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'
Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'
Citibank : 'That might help....'
Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'
Citibank : 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'
(Priceless!!)
And you wondered why Citibank needed help from the Feds?

June 15

This is to let you know that 

the 15th of June is "cancelled" 

for Seniors Group.

The Pro Shop will keep a few tee times open for those who turn up after 8:30 

but there will be 

no Official Seniors group 

as many are at 

the Chinook Cove Seniors Tournament.


A Joke for the Weekend. 


"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 
"How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, 
I'm certain she's poisoning me, 
what should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. 
Let me talk to her, 
I'll see what I can find out 
and I'll let you know." 
A week later the Rabbi calls the man 
and says, 
"Well, I spoke to your wife. 
I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man anxiously says, "Yes."

"Take the poison," says the Rabbi.

June 8

Missed it today - see you in two weeks - at Chinook Cove Seniors next week!

Here's a site that will give you some nostalgia!

http://oldfortyfives.com/TakeMeBackToTheFifties.htm

June 2 A Scot's Joke

The new commander in Iraq hears that a Scottish regiment has a specialized field hospital that's doing fantastic things with the troops.

He wants to know what is so special about the place, so he arranges a tour.

When he gets to the ward, it's full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness. 

He's perplexed, so goes up to the first bed and greets the soldier there.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."

The general is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.
That soldier responds:

"Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the commander moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, the general turns to the accompanying doctor and asks,

"Is this a psychiatric ward?"

"No, not at all," replies the doctor.

"This is the Serious Burns unit."

July 4 to 8 Eaglepoint is hosting the Junior Girls Tournament

We need help and Heather Heron has sign up sheets at the front desk 

- please click on this form to see what and when help is needed 

and if you can spare 4 hours on one of these days 

or you and your spouse - 

come on up and see some great players!

June 1, 2011, Results of TWO LOW NET Team Play.

Great day - 50 out 

and we just managed to get in the door before the lightning struck 

and the rain came down!

Weldon Steele results - We are up 4 to 2 over Kamloops 

and Don Ozubko and company play them tomorrow there. 

(Rain washed out the round last week!) 

Good luck!

Tomorrow, the dynamic? team of 

Jorgen Sveistruip, Flavio Facchin, Brian Whitehead and Al Jakel 

play here against Royal York from Armstrong. 

Good Luck!

Upcoming Seniors Tournaments: 

Chinook Cove on June 15th!

Shannon Lake on June 27 

Semlin Valley on July 6th.

Deuces today: don't you sort of hate these people for always winning!

Smooth as Silk Assmus and Sal Harms managed the deuces today - $5 each!

There were 50 SEASONED Golfers out today!

For getting closest to the pin KP on #15 this golfer gets to drive a fine Porsche Carrera for the weekend! 

Way to go Audrey Faulkner!

Senior Token of the week went to Heather Heron 

cause Larry had been very obnoxious as usual to her!

Now to the real game.  The results of two low net competition went to the following teams.

Tied for 4th, 5th, and 6th were the following teams:

Al Jakel, Dave Hay who was like a fence post sitting in for Jorgen Sveistrup, and Larry Sill. Jorgen had gone home early cause he needed to drink away the day's play! Dave was dragged up from somewhere just so they could have a third in the picture!

 Jorgen was in this picture though!

Then this magnificent group of 

Jim Gordon, Marilyn Peterson, Mark Girton, and old Smooth as Silk managed to steal their way into the winnings.

They were closely followed by

Mr. Moustache and lots of bright teeth, Tave Dandy, Heather Flamingo, and Ley MacMillan.

In 3rd spot this week was the team of

Don Ozubko (we kept him propped up and his eyes wide open so his wife wouldn't claim he was drinking again!), John Ho Hum another routine 83 today French, and Myrtle Cadogan who had sore shoulders from having to carry these three lumps around today and of course Mr. Molloy and as you can tell Titleist has lost it's investment potential with his endorsements!

Then we move to the superior level of chea/ sorry scoring ability and out emerges the fantastic almost team of 

Art ( I'm just here for the beer!) Harms, Dana (Gorilla) Skoberg, and some old duffer named Rollier who they found wandering on the course so they took him in and kept him warm till the play was over! Apparently they had a 4th but he/she was too embarassed to sit with them!

Finally once again the clouds parted, the sun shone, the bands played and the EL SUPREMO,

Number one in your hearts and cursed forever was the team of

Marlene Kidd 

(Oh I only play once in a while she said coyly 

as she drained another par putt!), 

Mark (Gee I am having a sort of bad day, week, Month?),  

Mr. He He HE 

(who carded an outstanding best score ever just ask him!) and Lorraine Zimmer who scrambled when she had to and kept our flag flying to the end for the win!

Some other teams were on the course and in no particular order cause we don't really care about inferior players were the following groups!

Barry Hill, John St. Louis, and Mr. Cool.

Doug can't get no respect, Ron and Bev.

Erwin Pastry, Mary and Mel

These guys thought it was a great game of bingo!

Del, Barb, Ron (Token Canadian!) and Gordie Craik who managed to get his big fat out this week!

Pooch, Mrs. Fish is me!, Gerry and 

Ken (where do I deliver these golf carts? 

Huh a golf game oh well 

to hell with the carts today!)

Great to see everyone out and same start time next week 

- get your big fat out on the course by 8:30 AM