Eaglepoint Seniors Golf News in Kamloops, British Columbia

Merry Christmas Seasoned Golfers!

2011-12-17T13:39:00.000-08:00

Wanted to make sure that everyone has a great Holiday Season!

This sad sack golfer was obviously disgruntled and miffed at not being invited along with the ladies who were out golfing recently!

Typical female seasoned golfers at Eaglepoint don't you know! I would name them but at my age who can remember?

Dave Hay was out and about recently and if you need any snow removal over the holidays just give him a shout!

Larry Sill, Al Jakel, and Dave were seen recently discussing upcoming plans for the season!

Does this not confirm all you ever suspected about our organizers! Thanks again big guys!

The rest of us are off Christmas shopping and getting ready for the New Year!

Looks like a WalMart shopping trip to me!

Have a warm drink and snuggle up somewhere warm! See you all in March!

And if worse comes to worst then don't end up like these guys on New Years!

Sept 14 Results Top Wednesday Seasoned Golfers and Team Play

2011-09-15T17:21:00.000-07:00

The Powers that be divided us into sort of even teams - yeah right! And then they made us keep everybody's scores so they could determine

Men and Women Gross winners and Net Winners for the season as well

as the Two Low Net Scores for a Team Score.

About 53 Seasoned Golfers were out and the weather was perfect -

Hot and Sunny -

what a great way to finish the season!

There will be a Two Man Team Ball Tournament that is open to All Senior Men next Wednesday

- Get a partner and get out there dude!

On Sept 28 and as long as the weather holds on Wednesdays

the Three Stooges (AKA Larry, Dave and Al)

will organize something for Seasoned golfers to pursue before you flock south for the winter!

Now for the real golf - this little GIF tells it all!

This is sort of how the day went for most of us!

So how did the day go for a lot of other people?

Here are the Club Champs - Lincoln and Myrtle Cadogan are Low Net Champs

and Larry Sill and Grace Brown are Gross Score Champions

for the Eaglepoint Wednesday Seasoned Golfers this year!

Congratulations and we hope you don't win next year - cause we are all kind of jealous!

Lincoln and Myrtle were seen later on their way home and you have to admire Lincoln's panache!

Some guys are married to the right kind of women!

Though truth be told a couple of the gals said that this is what they really saw at the bar!

Nuff said!

So now moving on to the real golfers of the day

(cause you know that what that foursome did was just their lucky day!)

In First Place with the awesome Two Low Net Score of 113 was the ever Rory McIlroyish types of John French ( yeah I shot my age 76 Again!), Ken Robertson (took 10 on 18! 6 shots to get out of the bunker - shades of Bill Brown!),Barrie Hill (Man where was my game on the weekend!?) and Good Grief Charlie Brown here's Dave Hampton back at the Vibraphone again! Does this guy never stop improving?

They were ever so popular and bashful in their winning! NOT!

Victory comes to them so seldom!

Now to the rest of the losers - oops sorry players of the day!

In Second spot was the fine team of Jorgen Sveistruip - yes I love Copenhagen but what does it really mean?, Terry Haines (dang I hate having to move so you photogs can take my picture - just get a copy off the Post Office wall for god's sake!) and the old Train Wreck himself - Don Ozubko!

Dave Hay got a shot of him out riding over top of a train that Ozubko was bringing home and thought you might like to see it! Thanks Dave!

As you can see Hay takes his bike riding seriously - actually Ozubko tried to hit him but missed!

Now in Third Spot was the team of :

Les (I can make you leak at any joint!) Ekstrom, Lincoln Cadogan, Grace Brown and Don (WTF?) Puhach - how the heck did he get in there?

As you can see they enjoyed even coming in Third for God's Sake!

Trailing in at Fourth and Fifth were the teams of

Arlene (Pooch you better save that money for our trip south!) Sahlstrom, Gerry Campbell, Lorraine Zimmer and Brian Motorhead.

As you can see Brian had to shepherd them all the way around the course!

Tied with them was the scintillating? team of

Larry Sill, Flavio Facchin, Audrey Fishkiller, and Black Angus.

As you can see Audrey was not satisfied with the catch of the day! Better luck next time guys!

Now in Sixth spot was this very spotty team of

Chas Molloy, Barry Gray, Rick Baker and Mark Hasbon.

Apparently they had an exciting day on the course!

Now we are really starting to scrape the barrel - is this Kindergarten for God's Sake - is everyone going to win?

In Seventh Spot and how they can manage to smile and get Seventh mentioned in the same breath as their names is something to behold!

Norm Romano even ran away from this group at the end of the day - Vic, Old Socks and Jumping Jack Flash were on the course - apparently all over it too!

Even Old Socks admitted that this is how he felt after the game!

Finally in Eighth Spot and pretty spotty all around too was this team of never wuzzes.

Mr. Cool, Sal Harms, Mr. Gadget and now the real Bill M. Brown!

Rumour has it that they played like this all day!

Mind you that was just a rumour!

Some of the other teams present today were too polite to spoil it for the "WEINERS" and just played around the course with a sense of foreboding despair!

Doug Pockett and his harem were out on the course! Del (wait till Jerry finds out!) Tave (shows you what a new Mercedes does to a gal's thinking) and Myrtle - shame on you!

I don't know what the gals see in Doug! But anyway he went into his archives and said - Newsy you gotta get a picture of me and the babes in our prime so here it is!

Thanks Gals - I would never have believed it myself without photographic proof!

Also very careful to not harm the egos of the winners was this group of whiffed putts and shanked shots!

Bill (no longer the real Bill Brown) Brown, Gloria and Hallelujah along with Showboat Rutledge - their fourth decamped before picture taking time - Beer really helps the losing feeling!

They sort of golfed like this today too! How many three putts Gloria!l?

Finally we had another group that I managed to capture in all their finery!

They too were mindful of the needs and wants of the winners and didn't disturb the universe too much with all the hacking and cursing they were doing on the course!

Heather and Shirley were sort of hog tied by having to carry Hay and Dumont around the course today. Too bad they hadn't had a chance to scout Dumont's catching prowess and they might have made a better choice!

John always has trouble landing the big ones!

See if you had known that he couldn't handle things you might have been able to pay another group to take him off your hands!? Oh well thanks for putting up with those two clowns today - Dave wanted a good picture of him in the press today so here it is Dave!

Good shot of you living on the edge Dave but no clothes and at that height and angle you could catch a real cold?!

Oh and an anonymous writer said that Lincoln was real cute in the parking lot after the games show off his winning style! You go Lincoln!

September 7 Results - Stroke Play

2011-09-08T21:45:00.000-07:00

We were directed to play Stroke Play and followed the rules and man was it slow!

Lesson Learned

- don't follow RULES!

Old Socks (Al Jakel ) was awarded the
Senior Token of the Week

- he apparently has had to resort to teeing his ball further and further in front of the tee blocks

cause he is weakening in his old age!

It happens to all of us

- his mental condition is deteriorating too

- sort of like watching a slow train wreck!

Old Socks was joined by Mr Gadget and Ferne Gosselin!

They sort of played like this today!

Ferne managed to somehow eke out a Second place Low net in the women's division -

congrats

- too bad your partners couldn' t keep up with you!

Then some guys turned in some real hot scores - very embarassed by his Gross 78 was John French.

And so he should be - Del Macready posted a 98 for Second Low Gross in the Women's Division.

As you can see though the price of success can get you in trouble if you go dancing on the table afterwards!

Larry and Dave kind of whinged - they were out of the money again!

Art Harms was good for second Low Gross in the Men's first flight - I mean how can anyone catch up to French? and Shirley (Who won enough to get a new hair do!) took the overall Low Gross 94 for the Ladies!

(Shirley even managed to score a deuce so that dang hat can get a new hair do under it by next week!!)

Arlene and Freddie Freeloader were just along for their eye candy appeal.

Freddie and Arlene tried their best but apparently they were the weakest links on this team!

Jack Mathew was in tough competition in his group - Vic was smiling but no prize but Old Sandbagger Doug Pockett managed to shoot an 88

and tied Marc (Can't stop lifting my head!) Guertin

for Low Gross in the second Men's flight -

Pockett always manages to find a way to earn a lot of money on the side!

We managed to track down this early photo of Doug when he was really making money!

(And he had hair too!)

Tave Dandy had to put up with Charles Molloy who managed to win 3rd spot in the Low Net in the second flight as well as Bill Brown and the weiner Marc Guertin who tied Pockett for Low Gross in the second flight.

As you can tell Tave was really really excited to be out on the course today!

Myrtle Cadogan posted the Low Net for the Ladies today - she suffered another round with Rick and Paul Hindle!

Baker was seen later off the course doing his rounds!

This happy group contained Don Ozubko who was tied with Doug Rutledge for Low Net in the First Flight - Barry Gray was happy happy cause he managed a deuce and came second Low Net in the first flight - Heather Stork and Gerry Campbell were just sort of outstanding - on the fairways!

Heather apparently had a complaint about misuse of her last name by members of the Media - we all took a look and thought well why not Heather Flamingo rather than Stork? Nope she still didn't buy it!

Flavio was in the picture but didn't win anything however his partner danced and sang his way to a tie for Low Net in the First Flight!

As you can see Doug has talent!

Lincoln, Gloria and Ken were in the Clubhouse early but took home no money! Gloria appreciated the massage cause she managed to 3 putt about 12 holes today!

Gloria had a rough ride home thinking about all those missed putts!

Don Puhach had an excellent day and managed to snag First Low Net in the Men's second flight - don't know what Arlene will do with all his winnings!

Marilyn

(And don't you photo journalists forget to post my picture!) Peterson

was in for 3rd Low net in the Ladies flight

- Dapper Dave said he was picture perfect

but couldn't swing his clubs too good today!

Dave was apparently more worried about his personal appearance today than his golf game!

OK It is game on for Next Week's Seasoned Golfers at Eaglepoint Championship - you have to have played three times with the seniors' group this year and be a member of

Eaglepoint to qualify for this "Championship"

The Powers that be promise that this will be an entertaining finish!

C U there!

Wednesday September 14 9:00 AM Start!

August 24 Seasoned Golfers get your big fat out on the course!

2011-08-21T18:39:00.000-07:00

Audrey Faulkner managed to use some well placed dynamite and landed this sucker - wiped out a whole salmon run apparently!

Some people's children are just natural born killers!

As you can see she really didn't have a grip on it

- just like her golf game! He He He!

Get out on the course on Wednesday and tell all your friend if you have any and acquaintances that they have to play at least three times before they qualify for the tournament on Wed Sept 14!

Seniors Tournament - Men and Women - September 14

2011-08-15T15:32:00.000-07:00

Golf Meditations

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents luck.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

Results from August 10 - Lo Net + Hi Net results from 4Somes.

2011-08-10T22:08:00.000-07:00

39 Golfers out today - the deuce winners should receive this treatment!

Ley MacMillan, Mark ?? Nadler? How the **** did he do that?, and Mark Hasbon.

Announcements:

September 14

- Our Club Seniors Championship will be held then

- participants must have played three times in our Seniors Group this year to qualify!

The Men will be in 2 or three flights depending on the

Powers That Be Decision Making

which usually consists of a decision

just as they turn in the gate at the Club!

The Ladies will be in one flight at present!

But what do I know!

It will be the usual random draw for groups but obviously not a team game that day!

Any prizes or give aways that you or someone you know has would be welcome!

Weldon Steele

- We are away at Logan Lake tomorrow

- meet at the west end of Costco for Al Jakel, Charles Molloy,

John French and Marc Guertin.

- 8:30 AM and good luck at Meadow Creek in Logan Lake!

Now to the High and Low Net results for today! Great weather wasn't it!

First Place was the Team of

Angus Gouthro, Dave Hay, and Al Jakel!

Oh yeah they dragged Fast Eddie around the course too!

Only because Hay luckbagged out with an eagle 3 on 18!

How they could shoot a 142 at their age is marvellous!

Guess that's what it takes!

In Second Spot this week were the team of

Don Puhach (Enough to make me sick to my stomach!)

and John (Hired Hand) French,

Dave (bringing home the ) Bacon

and Gerry Campbell!

Puhach and French should look sheepish

stealing our hard earned money!

Yeah yeah yeah! You came second you losers!

In Third Spot this week was

the old Danish Pirate Jorgen Sveistrup

just back from cruising the Skategatt?

or some waters between Sweden and Daneland.

Helping him was Bill M. Brown,

Marc (Dang did I just lift my head again?) Guertin,

and Lincoln Cadogan.

In 4th spot with her eyes wide shut was Lorraine Zimmer, Mark Hasbon, and John St. Louis - their 4th ran away with the spoon?

It was a wild ride for them today!

Finally in 5th spot were these fine golfers!

Dennis Fitzmaurice, Arlene whatever, Doug Roughage, and Art Harmful.

Don Puhach insisted that I put this in!

For Arlene's edification apparently?

See you in the recovery room Don!

These other groups were on the course today.

And in no particular order

as they have no class here they are!

Ken Reporter, Kirk (Just a second while I take this call!) Galbraith, The ever Divine Laurel and Mr. Gadget!

Their game was really good low Nets

but Really bad High nets!

Losers!

Also outstanding in the field was this group!

Bev brought along Harvey Haldahl from Drayton Valley

- their partners in crime left before lunch!

You can tell they really enjoyed the game today!

Also out and about were:

Marilyn Picture Perfect, Ron Hayward and Tave Dandy!

The ladies said that this is what it felt like

dragging Hayward around the course today!

I understand entirely!

Also seen around the clubhouse was this group:

Flavio Italiano, Shirley, Larry and ? I Met him,

I introduced myself, I asked his name

and then time passed

and I don't know!

Help me out here!

This typifies the kind of day they were enjoying.

Finally and not because I have a grudge against any

Deuce Pot Winners

but this group was also around the course

and Nadler did manage to scrounge a deuce here are

Dave Assmus, Mark Nadler, Erwin Nyfeler,

and Heather Heron.

They played the course!

And they looked dang fine doing it too!

Good luck next week - Off to Summerland next week and then Edmonton following week

so may see you on the 25th or not - good luck!

I was telling Ley MacMillan about www.TED.com

If you want to see some powerful Technology, Education, and Design talks and performances take a look at this website.

I highly recommend Clifford Stoll,

Eva Vertes (Canadian Cancer Researcher),

Garret Lissi on Theory of Everything.

Dave Hay has also posted this note for our

September 21 Tournament.

EAGLE POINT SENIOR MEN
2011
2 MAN TEAMS
BEST BALL TOURNAMENT

v    WEDNESDAY, SEPT 21       10: 00 am Shotgun Start

v    $60.00/PERSON (incl. HST)   (Power Cart extra if req’d)

v    MUST BE 55YRS AT TOURNAMENT DATE AND HAVE CURRENT RCGA INDEX.

Max 7 differential between indexes.

v    Cash and other prizes

v    Lunch included with entry fee

Phone in entry to Pro Shop with Credit Card – (250) 573-2453 or Mail or drop off Cheque – payable to Eagle Point. Include RCGA Index and Power Cart Requirements to:
Eagle Point – Senior Mens Tournament
8888 Barnhartvale Rd
Kamloops, BC     V2C 6W1

ENTRY FEE MUST BE PAID BY sept 14, 2011

August 3 Results of some kind of Golfing Game!

2011-08-04T18:01:00.000-07:00

The Powers that be

determined that we would play something which no one understood but we being the sheep we are just went ahead and played anyway! When you are a seasoned golfer you get used to this type of treatment!

As you can see there was an odd one in the crowd today - two from Kelowna apparently!

So there were 43 Seasoned golfers out today and the two guests from Kelowna.

The Powers that Be announced the following items of no particular interest but are repeated here if you want to know about them.

Kamloops Golf Club Senior Men's Tournament is on Monday, August 8.

$70 and Dave Hay is the lone entrant from Eaglepoint so far

- give it a go!

Weldon Steel - Up at Logan Lake on August 11 -

we need one more player -

at present, Marc Guertin, Charles Molloy and Al Jakel are signed up -

Shout if you can make it or are interested !

There were 3 Deuces today - Don Puhach, Vic Feere, and Fred Hamarlund.

Good golfing guys!

The results of the team play today - (it was one point for a bogey, 2 points for a par, 3 points for a birdie, and 4 points for an eagle! All net of course!)

Managing to steal $60 from the rest of us was the team of

Freddie Freeloader, Artful Harms, Jack Angstad and Puhach? WTF?

How did he get in there again?

These clowns know how to double their money! Must be Republicans!

In Second Place was the team of

John (mildly embarassed at his 79!) French, Marc (hold it I lifted my head again!) Guertin,

Del Macready, and Phil ( I have a tough time getting my Big Fat A** out of bed!) Walls.

The Swiss Cheese was back with a harem and took third spot!

Lorraine, Bev, Heather and Erwin with his flowers!

And as you can see the Swiss Flower Boy is back in action!

Then we move along to 4th spot - where this group managed to luck out!

Ben (Yeah I won the 50/50 but don't tell Audrey! We won't!) Nielsen,

Mark Nadler, Shirley from somewhere

and Audrey (He didn't tell me anything about winning a 50/50!) Nielsen.

As you can see Ben had to be somewhat inventive in keeping

his 50/50 winnings away from the wife!

Finally in 5th spot was the organizing team who always manages to win some of our hard earned cash each week! I might add!

Larry, Dave, Myrtle (How did a decent girl get in a spot with these guys?) Cadogan and Dean Haines from Kelowna and no he is no relation to Terry and he thanked me for pointing that out!

As you can tell our Powers that be are experts at getting the bacon!

Sad to say that your intrepid reporter failed to get a picture of his group - consisting of Sal Harms, Bob Helfrich, Lincoln Cadogan and self. He rummaged through the files and found this in the best by category!

It kind of typifies how they played!

Also in the definitely LOSERS category this week were the following groups.

Wayne (I shot a 41 out and a 41 in - isn't Par 82 at this course?) Hall, Marilyn (Don't you ever forget to put my picture in you paparazzi you!) Petersen, Ian (I did my best but the Force wasn't with me today!) Jacques and Angus Gouthro.

We got a picture of Angus when he was a real player though!

Thank God Laurel has had time to clean him up!

Also out there whacking weeds and causing mayhem on the course were:

Vic No Feere, Tave (Yes I am!) Dandy, Dave (Just bringing home the) Bacon and Hawaiian EddieVelestuk.

Losing caused them some serious cash flow problems apparently!

Gerry, Audrey and Les were also around the ball alot - Les decided to show them how to fix things when he is at work!

Free estimates are given out whenever for his quality work!

Arlene, Gerry Tiramisu, Rick Baker and the ever divine Laurel were also out and about though Arlene complained that Don shouldn't have won that much money and she would make sure that she got her share!

Arlene has this way of working on Don to see that she gets the money apparently!

Finally, Karen, Lorne and Ley rounded out the field - Lorne was just here for the good time and Ley had a quick moment of lucidity!

However Ley's Senior memory has it moments and they are soon gone!

August 3 What is happening?

2011-08-02T22:40:00.000-07:00

The powers that be are going to give us some dang game to play and a list of rules and dang if I know what is happening !

Rick Baker sends along these two for your edification!

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

And also this one!

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 mph in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

Or you could spend some time watching Piff the Magic Dragon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kk5xfK0ovrk&feature=player_embedded

July 27 - here it comes!

2011-07-24T15:25:00.000-07:00

July 20, 2011 - Results of the 2 low net team play.

2011-07-21T15:31:00.000-07:00

Thirty-four out today - threatened rain but held off and actually was perfect weather for golf!

At least for those who golfed - the actual hacking, kicking, scrambling that went on was awesome!

However there were two douche bags oops deuce baggers today!

Terry Noftall and Ley MacMillan. Congrats!

They both were pleased with their deuces!

Now to the real golfers!

In third and 4th spot - why these organizers can't figure out that they both tied for fourth?

Mr. He He HE,

Gary Hasbon who is a 9 and took a 10 on number 5!

He He HE,

Rick Moustache and Dave Crash and burn baby!

They took the loss stoically!

John (Hired hand!) French,

Mark (shot an 86 today - finally he's back!)

and then Ley Mac and Terry Deuce bags!

They really enjoyed their almost winning!

In sole posession of 2nd place was the dynamic Fisherwoman, Laurel Divine, and Dave Bacon!

Dave always liked to show his wild side!

And in top place was the team of Lorraine Superwoman, Marc, Dennis Fitz and Karen King!

The ladies shot the pants off the guys!

I mean come on with this kind of performance wouldn't you win too?

Ron Torts is me, Sandy Bill, Pomp and Grace,

and Barb were on the course and happy!

Apparently they thought they were here to dance?

Gloria Corn Maze, Art Harms, Old Socks and Shirley scrambled all around the course a lot today!

And as you can see their scrambling was awesome!

Tave Mercedes, Gerry Soup and Bev McGillicuddy also thrashed the rough a lot!

The gals sent Gerry out to get some moolah for dinner as they didn't win any legitimately themselves!

Top Cop had Jumping Jack Flash dead to rights and

Gerry Tiramisu? kept old lightning Velestuk on the course!

At least they kept the cows amoozed!

See you on the course next week but don't look for me - off to a Brandi Carlile Concert in Bellingham!

Weldon Steele Results from Rivershore - we lost 7 - 5 overall

July 13 Results - 3-2-1 Low Nets

2011-07-13T22:10:00.000-07:00

45 out today and the rain poured down till about an hour before tee time

and then we had us a great day!

The Deuces were awarded today because Dave Hay managed to luckbag his way to one!

Otherwise there would have been no deuce pot

- amazing how power corrupts!

Dave "Crash" Hay, Ron "Token Canadian" or is it "Toking Canadian"? Hayward, Dana ("I'm so flexible!") Skoberg,

Gerry Tersierra,

and Dennis (Just here for the easy money!) FitzMaurice were recipients of the Deuce pot rewards.

As you can tell our Deuce pot winners really think they are hot stuff!

Now to the results of the 3 - 2 - 1 Low Nets.

In 6th spot was the awesome team of Dave Assmus, Del Macready, Marilyn Peterson and old Fish!

Even though they had to drag Dumont around on a rope they managed to win something!

As you can see Marilyn and Del were excited about their win!

Then limping in in 5th spot was the team of Angus, Frank, and Lorraine. Their 4th vanished apparently!

They were simply awestruck by their fine performance!

The party after was spectacular!

Now we are starting to approach big money territory!

In 4th spot was Mr Happy Talk, Terry Terrific

and Fern

(Yes I drive exceptionally well but not my golf cart!)

Gosselin!

They even thought the posies were sweet smelling and the world simply sparkled with their joie de vivre?

They really put on a show as they left the course today!

In 3rd spot was the fine threesome of

Flavio (Old Latin Lover) Facchin,

Gloria (No I haven't seen the Blonde Maze yet!) Tewnion,

and Tave

(Hey what's a new Mercedes SUV doing in my driveway?) Dandy.

They must have been really happy with their win!

Cause they partied like there will be no tomorrow today!

In Second spot was the fine foursome of the lonesome cowpokes!

Gerry Campbell, Art Harms, Ed Velestuk and Rick Baker.

They were sort of pumped up about the fine finish they had!

Cute guys but not sure the clubhouse was the place for this performance!

Now we come to the grand final El Supremo weiners for the week!

Ron Watson, a fine lady, Dave Bacon and Ron Hayward!

Hayward was back using his eraser really well and something about If I give you that will you give me this!

It worked apparently! They won!

Way to go space cadets!

Some other fine folk were out there today - they played and grumbled and enjoyed the weather!

Marc Guertin, Mr. He He He, Heather Stork and Minnow Goto shagged the ball around the course to no avail!

Dennis Fitz and somebody we all know but I don't and

John

(just got moved and man

am I happy being the hired hand out here!)

French.

Ken Rollier, Linda Gray (Didn't know she was Shirley's older sister!), Shirley and Mr. Skoberg also crossed over the course a few times today but to no avail.

Lincoln and Myrtle Cadogan played hard and fair but the gods were not on their side and their two other members were too embarassed to show up for lunch!

Jumping Jack Flash, Audrey Tiger Chaser, Gerry Terisierra and Laurel Gouthro were out smelling the knapweed and trying to find their game but it kept it self well hidden today!

Weldon Steele results from Revelstoke

- they kicked our shiny butts!

At least that's what I managed to pull out of the double talk take down jive that Sill tried to sugar coat it with!

Never fear, Mr. He He He, Professor Molloy, Marc (Merrit Mountain Man) Guertin, and John (Hired Hand) French are going to Rivershore tomorrow to rectify things!

We Think!

We Hope!

He He He!

See you out on the course before we see you under it next Wednesday!

July 7 Great day out volunteering at the Junior Girls' Championship

2011-07-07T19:43:00.000-07:00

It was a great day(s) out helping with the Junior Girls' Championship!

Watching those young gals drew this comment
from Dana Skoberg - " I wasn't that flexible when I was born!"
They can wrap themselves into pretzels! Great shooting and awesome games - Don Ozubko was supervising a threesome and one of the girls was 2 under par! Fantastic!

Here's a sign that was posted apparently in a Golf Club near Scottsdale, Arizona and please follow the directions!

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

WELL DONE. - NOW FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, & TEE OFF

Not sure what the powers that be are going to have for us on the 13th but it will be a fun game and hope the weather is as good as it has been this week! See ya there!

Weldon Steele - Larry Sill, Dave Assmus, Al Jakel and Dave Hay were at Revelstoke today and hope they managed to tame the Italian Stallion!

Rick Baker has a Joke for the Weekend!

2011-07-01T19:40:00.001-07:00

The Classmate

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD or THAT BAD !!!

MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.. NAH, HE CAN'T BE THE SAME MAN !!
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .

'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED. HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1969. WHY DO YOU ASK?'

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED. HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY, EYE TO EYE...

THEN, THAT UGLY.... OLD, BALD, WRINKLED-FACED, FAT-ASSED, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT, SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED ME:
................ "WHAT DID YOU TEACH???"

Summerland Seniors Golf Tournament Announcement

2011-06-30T17:51:00.000-07:00

THURSDAY,AUGUST 18TH
9:00 A.M. Shotgun Start
$2,500 Hole In One Prize
Grand Draw Prize – SkyCaddie
ENTRY FEE: $65 Format: STROKE PLAY Gross & Net Prizes in Four Handicap
Categories Power Cart Rental: $15 Limited to the first 128 Entries Require Verified Handicap Card No Refunds unless cancellation
received by August 11th Mail Entry & Cheque to:
Summerland Senior Men’s Open
c/o Summerland G & CC
P.O. Box 348
Summerland, B.C. V0H 1Z0
Summerland Golf & Country Club
Golf Shop: 250 – 494-9554; Fax: 250 494-3257
Email: kensgc@shawbiz.ca

SUMMERLAND GOLF & COUNTRY CLUB
SENIOR MEN’S INVITATIONAL TOURNAMENT
THURSDAY, AUGUST 18TH, 2011; 9:00 A.M. SHOTGUN START
ENTRY FEE: $65; PLUS $15 IF POWER CART REQUIRED
NAME______________________________ PHONE_____________________
ADDRESS____________________________________POSTAL CODE___________
EMAIL ADDRESS______________________ HOME CLUB______________________
HANDICAP FACTOR______________
POWER CART REQUIRED: YES_______ NO________; MEMBER CART________
CREDIT CARD AUTHORIZATION:
I authorize $_____ to be charged to my credit card. Credit Card Type___________
Credit Card No._______________________ Expiry Date__________
Signature____________________________
Mail Entry and Cheque to:
SUMMERLAND SR. MEN’S GOLF TOURNAMENT
C/0 Summerland Golf & Country Club
2405 Mountain Avenue
Credit Card Entries may be faxed or emailed. Fax No.: 250 494-3257 or emailed to kensgc@shawbiz.ca

June 29 Results of "Ugly Ball" Competition

2011-06-30T17:06:00.000-07:00

It was not only Ugly - it was Windy

- much like the girls or guys you used to date in High School!

Right!?

Weldon Steele against Spallumacheen was on today there! Rick Baker, Charles Molloy, Esquire!, and Mr. Cool (AKA Rob Egan! But don't let him putt!) plus some other poor sod was there today - hope it went well!

Revelstoke was here today and away next week - Larry Sill, Al Jakel, Dave Hay and somebody were meeting them here today and looking forward to being trampled by the Italian Stallion from Revvy!

We hope it went better than this!

July 14 and 21 - Rivershore is here and then there - Charles Molloy, Esquire!, and Mark Girton (Dang I got a dent in my roof from a guy driving off #3 today!) are signed up and need a couple of others to complete the lineup!

One Deuce today

- the old Yodeller Doug Rutledge has managed to sell his house, sing his songs, play his ukelele and sank a lucky putt today!

Good luck in the selection to Canada`s top SEASONED performers this summer Doug!

Now to the REAL story - we played UGLY BALL

- you know the one that Angus loves so F***ing much

that he cries in his beer afterwards!

Even if it is someone else`s beer!

Two teams tied for fourth and fifth spots.

Terry Haines had fled the scene of the crime

and Pooch thought he could just chow it all down

- Wickie had her work cut out for her

and Rutledge just relaxed after getting rid of his house!

We all know what Pooch`s specialty is!

Tied for ineptness in cheating on the scorecards was this fine dark group!

(Hayward handled the camera and it went dark cause the force is never with him!)

Vic Froese stayed out on the course to get in some extra practise cause he needed to!

Laurel drove long and hard and only had trouble around the green and putting but still did well and Fern kept the group together - Robertson only was around to collect the money - like most investments he put in $6 and came out with $5!

The crowds were awed by their overall performance however!

Now if you find some mistakes in the next weiners you will understand that my handwriting was alcohol addled.

In third spot (despite Assmus recording a 74 today!) was the magnificent team of Dana (AKA Gorilla!) Skoberg, Charles Molloy, Esquire, and Dave Assmus - their fourth ran away.

Apparently he claimed he was going to help a damsel in distress with something or other!

Then tied for 2nd and 1st today were these two teams: and in no particular order of merit when you see who they are comprised of!:

Arlene (Pooch I`m gonna have you vacuuming the lawn if you let yourself get another picture taken like that!) Sahlstrom,

Mark (Dang I got a headache from that ball hitting my roof today!) Girton,

Doug ( I ain`t got pockets big enough to carry all the money I won last night and today!) Pockett,

and our very own Junior Senior Ian Jacques.

This was Pockett riding home after the big win!

Jacques had to go to work and you know hoisting the dog over the fence is his specialty!

The other clear thinking and intelligent sort of creatures who managed to use the ladies tee boxes for the men`s tees and got into a smart game of gimmes from 40 feet was:

Dave Bacon, Heather Flamingo, Mr. Cool (but don`t let him putt!) Rob Egan, and Barry (Gone with the wind!) Hill.

They sort of looked like this to the rest of the field!

Completing our wonderful days events was the awarding of the Tony Robbins most inspired and inspiring golf talk to himself - the grand Soliloquist award and Senior Token of the Week was presented to Mr. Happy Talk Jakel!

These other groups had no particular standing in the days events they simply let the wind wash their sins away and commented on how nice ice fishing was as a sport they truly enjoyed!

Mr. Gadget, The Real Token Canadian, and Mrs. Fish were on the course and dear to our hearts but grand losers still the same - though Audrey was seen instructing someone down at the lake to be careful in how they got her catch home!

Also on the course and clearly not in the winner`s circle today was:

Mr Moustache and Teeth,

Mrs. Woe be to ye who forget to publish my picture! Peterson,

Angus (the man of many ways on how to address a golf ball!

Most beginning with you dimplefaced **** ****** and other assorted vulgarities

(Hearing is an education in life`s hard knocks!) and old Mr. 78 Angstad!

As you can see they celebrated in style by getting Michelle to join them in the after party!

Some other notable also rans were this fine group of three!

Madeline (SWMBO) Robertson, Fast Eraser Freddie Hamarland, and Ed (Seniors golf is great just before the Hawaiian Wedding for my Daughter) Velestuk.

They got right down and partied after their walk in the wind!

Another group of lost ball specialists was the team of : Larry (not Wendell!) Sill, Dave (Have you seen my bike?) Hay and of course the ever vibrant and vivacious Del Macready - (Jerry made me say that!)

The Donkey ears were courtesy of Mr Jakel!

We managed to get a picture of Dave on his ride home!

We did a drive by of most of the homes of the LOSERS and managed to pick upsome pretty cheap golf gear!

ANNOUNCEMENTS

There is no Seniors Golf till July 13.

If you can help out at the Junior Girls Championship next week here at Eaglepoint check with the Pro Shop in case they need some more help.

Thanks to those who have already volunteered!

Heather says she so loves doing these organizing things that she will make it a full time career next year!

Mind you Dave says that keeping her hanging around the house is more entertaining.

June 22 Results of the Las Vegas Style golf! (Revised!)

2011-06-22T22:14:00.000-07:00

Las Vegas Golf is sort of like this washing the canoe incident - just when you thought you had it made the dang die was rolled and you got a shot of water in your ear!
Click on the picture to see the action!

Oh well! it turned out pretty good for some luckbags!

47 were out today and the organizers found a "great game" off the internet and us poor foolhardy souls as usual asked no dang questions and went baaing like sheep to the slaughter!

When the dust settled these were the WEINERS!

(sure wish that Congressman who resigned had been named Richard Weiner!)

In 6th spot and tied were these two "sterling?" groups!

Pooch and Mark Girton stayed around and managed the shame but Jorgen Sveistrup and Barry Hill slouched off and were gone in clouds of dust!

They were trying to apportion blame apparently!

Tied with them were the team of Larry Sill, Bob Helfrich, Dennis Fitzmaurice and some other has been.

Oh yeah it was Ozubko and here he is driving the train again!
Click on the picture to see Donnie O in operation!

Don really loved his job!

Now in 5th place was the team of Dave Bacon, John French who also left early due to intense anxiety over finishing out of the top money!, Dave Hampton and Can't get no respect around here Rutledge!

They practise intensely for each game!

You figure out who is who!

In fourth spot was the team of Bev McIntosh, Myrtle Cadogan, Arlene Sahlstrom and some old guy they picked up cheap at the ticket booth!

He kept his eyes closed in fear of being found out!

The gals were celebrating but Wayne was not amused!

Now we start to get our engines running hot cause in third place was this awesome? team!

Gloria Tewnion - (she still hasn't seen the maze for blondes yet!), Ferne Technology challenged Gosselin, Ley Mr. Gadget MacMillan and some gorilla they found scrounging in the dumpsters!

Ley kept them on the straight and narrow apparently!

Ley loves these "jokes"!

In Second Place was the team of Madeline Robertson?? Huh?, Brian Dennis, Lorraine Zimmer, and Karen King!

How they won is open to question but their lips were sealed except for their beers!

They sort of dressed down after the game!

Now the top dogs this week was the team of Ken Rollier - what the he**? How did that *** get in there? and Terry Haines - a known felon and Audrey Faulkner who can only fish and Laurel Gouthro - man the things she gets into when Angus ain't around!

Apparently they kind of played super today!

These other wussies and have beens were on the course today and in no particular order they shuffled around the course and paid their money so we had to put them in here.

What's his name, Ed Velestuk and Mr. Cool stumbled around.

Their fourth left them in shame and embarassment.

Big Bad John, Audrey who had to drag Ben around the course again and Shirley who sometimes drives her cart off the course were there.

They thought the game was cool dude!

These three clowns just couldn't finish - this writer rightfully apportioned the blame on Dave Haymeister and Dave Smooth as Silk, cause Mr. He He He played an awesome game!

They looked like this most of the day!

Finally this group of hopefuls or hopelessnesses were also on the course

but apparently had trouble locating it on most shots!

Lincoln Cadogan, Freddie Hamarlund and Angus Gouthro toured up and down but not successfully!

Amazing the things they did out there today!

This group of has beens and never wuzzes were miffed that they were not pictured till now!

Rick Baker, your average Token Canadian, Marilyn Peterson and Gerry Campbell!

As you can see, I worry a lot about missing these people!

Some announcements - Eaglepoint men played Spallumacheen here last week and are down 2.5 to 3.5 on the return leg to S - forget it I can't spell it! and good luck tomorrow!

Revelstoke is here in a week and Jakel, Sill, Hay and Assmus are playing them - good luck cause the Italian Stallion from Revelstoke is ready to rip them up again!

Help is still needed for the Ladies 2 Ball tourney on July 11 - sign up sheets at the Pro Shop.

Ferne Gosselin managed to win the Senior token driving range ticket this week for her technologically challenged handling of her runaway golf cart on hole three! It reminded us of Shirley's run down the hill on hole 13 a few weeks back!

See you here at 8:30 AM next Wednesday

- get your big fat out of bed!

June 15 Chinook Cove Golf!

2011-06-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

Congrats to Larry Sill who managed to win something at the tournament - First or second low net in the 0 - 14 flight I believe - sometimes Senior Player Mark Bodlak won the Low Gross! Congrats to all!

I believe Larry Sill, Rick Baker, Ley MacMillan, Al Jakel, Don Puhach, Jorgen Sveistrup, Charlie Molloy and Ken Robertson were there!?

This is how Molloy and Robertson felt after the round!
You might have to click on the picture!

Rick Baker has been perusing the net and found this gem to pass on!

Cancel your credit card before you die.
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange : Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.' Citibank : ' The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'Maybe you should turn it over to collections.'
Citibank : 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
Citibank : 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?' Citibank : 'Excuse me?' Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'
Citibank : 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'
Citibank : ' The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
Citibank : (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)
Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given)
After they get the fax :
Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'
Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'
Citibank : 'That might help....'
Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'
Citibank : 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'
(Priceless!!)
And you wondered why Citibank needed help from the Feds?

June 15

2011-06-11T18:58:00.000-07:00

This is to let you know that

the 15th of June is "cancelled"

for Seniors Group.

The Pro Shop will keep a few tee times open for those who turn up after 8:30

but there will be

no Official Seniors group

as many are at

the Chinook Cove Seniors Tournament.

A Joke for the Weekend.

"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks,
"How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you,
I'm certain she's poisoning me,
what should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what.
Let me talk to her,
I'll see what I can find out
and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man
and says,
"Well, I spoke to your wife.
I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man anxiously says, "Yes."

"Take the poison," says the Rabbi.

June 8

2011-06-08T11:56:00.001-07:00

Missed it today - see you in two weeks - at Chinook Cove Seniors next week!

Here's a site that will give you some nostalgia!

http://oldfortyfives.com/TakeMeBackToTheFifties.htm

June 2 A Scot's Joke

2011-06-02T20:34:00.000-07:00

The new commander in Iraq hears that a Scottish regiment has a specialized field hospital that's doing fantastic things with the troops.

He wants to know what is so special about the place, so he arranges a tour.

When he gets to the ward, it's full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness.

He's perplexed, so goes up to the first bed and greets the soldier there.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."

The general is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.
That soldier responds:

"Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the commander moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, the general turns to the accompanying doctor and asks,

"Is this a psychiatric ward?"

"No, not at all," replies the doctor.

"This is the Serious Burns unit."

July 4 to 8 Eaglepoint is hosting the Junior Girls Tournament

2011-06-01T16:33:00.000-07:00

We need help and Heather Heron has sign up sheets at the front desk

- please click on this form to see what and when help is needed

and if you can spare 4 hours on one of these days

or you and your spouse -

come on up and see some great players!

June 1, 2011, Results of TWO LOW NET Team Play.

2011-06-01T16:19:00.000-07:00

Great day - 50 out

and we just managed to get in the door before the lightning struck

and the rain came down!

Weldon Steele results - We are up 4 to 2 over Kamloops

and Don Ozubko and company play them tomorrow there.

(Rain washed out the round last week!)

Good luck!

Tomorrow, the dynamic? team of

Jorgen Sveistruip, Flavio Facchin, Brian Whitehead and Al Jakel

play here against Royal York from Armstrong.

Good Luck!

Upcoming Seniors Tournaments:

Chinook Cove on June 15th!

Shannon Lake on June 27

Semlin Valley on July 6th.

Deuces today: don't you sort of hate these people for always winning!

Smooth as Silk Assmus and Sal Harms managed the deuces today - $5 each!

There were 50 SEASONED Golfers out today!

For getting closest to the pin KP on #15 this golfer gets to drive a fine Porsche Carrera for the weekend!

Way to go Audrey Faulkner!

Senior Token of the week went to Heather Heron

cause Larry had been very obnoxious as usual to her!

Now to the real game. The results of two low net competition went to the following teams.

Tied for 4th, 5th, and 6th were the following teams:

Al Jakel, Dave Hay who was like a fence post sitting in for Jorgen Sveistrup, and Larry Sill. Jorgen had gone home early cause he needed to drink away the day's play! Dave was dragged up from somewhere just so they could have a third in the picture!

Jorgen was in this picture though!

Then this magnificent group of

Jim Gordon, Marilyn Peterson, Mark Girton, and old Smooth as Silk managed to steal their way into the winnings.

They were closely followed by

Mr. Moustache and lots of bright teeth, Tave Dandy, Heather Flamingo, and Ley MacMillan.

In 3rd spot this week was the team of

Don Ozubko (we kept him propped up and his eyes wide open so his wife wouldn't claim he was drinking again!), John Ho Hum another routine 83 today French, and Myrtle Cadogan who had sore shoulders from having to carry these three lumps around today and of course Mr. Molloy and as you can tell Titleist has lost it's investment potential with his endorsements!

Then we move to the superior level of chea/ sorry scoring ability and out emerges the fantastic almost team of

Art ( I'm just here for the beer!) Harms, Dana (Gorilla) Skoberg, and some old duffer named Rollier who they found wandering on the course so they took him in and kept him warm till the play was over! Apparently they had a 4th but he/she was too embarassed to sit with them!

Finally once again the clouds parted, the sun shone, the bands played and the EL SUPREMO,

Number one in your hearts and cursed forever was the team of

Marlene Kidd

(Oh I only play once in a while she said coyly

as she drained another par putt!),

Mark (Gee I am having a sort of bad day, week, Month?),

Mr. He He HE

(who carded an outstanding best score ever just ask him!) and Lorraine Zimmer who scrambled when she had to and kept our flag flying to the end for the win!

Some other teams were on the course and in no particular order cause we don't really care about inferior players were the following groups!

Barry Hill, John St. Louis, and Mr. Cool.

Doug can't get no respect, Ron and Bev.

Erwin Pastry, Mary and Mel

These guys thought it was a great game of bingo!

Del, Barb, Ron (Token Canadian!) and Gordie Craik who managed to get his big fat out this week!

Pooch, Mrs. Fish is me!, Gerry and

Ken (where do I deliver these golf carts?

Huh a golf game oh well

to hell with the carts today!)

Nevins

Great to see everyone out and same start time next week

- get your big fat out on the course by 8:30 AM

A Joke or two for the Long Weekend

2011-05-19T22:07:00.000-07:00

Remember ladies, the best way to attract a man is with your eyes.
That's why it's so important to have your eye makeup perfectly applied.
If it weren't for the excellent application of proper eye makeup this young
Lady probably wouldn't get a second look from most guys.

THEN AGAIN, I'VE BEEN WRONG BEFORE…………..

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)
__________________________________________________

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (   UK ). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking. __________________________________________________

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. __________________________________________________

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)
A: What did your last slave die of? __________________________________________________

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of   Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. __________________________________________________

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. _________________________________________________

Q: Can I bring cutlery into   Australia ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do... __________________________________________________

Q: Can you send me the   Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (   USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the   Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right? __________________________________________________

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in London. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is awful.

Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.

Chinese food is loaded with MSG.

High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it.

Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,

'Wedding Cake.'

May 18 Garbage Golf Results

2011-05-18T20:22:00.000-07:00

Hey - wasn't it a great day? 51 out!

Seriously - aside from the indescribable unknowable, unfathomable scoring system

- wasn't it a great day

- let's all throw the organizer in the pond next time out!

He sort of played the crowd after by appealing

to our democratic? option to go for Texas Scramble

rather than what every right minded golfer needs -

Ugly ball with black balls and gold dots for Angus Gouthro

- doesn't the organizer realize that that's what we all wanted!

HE HE HE!

Sounds like Dave is trying to pull a Christy Clark with the HST!

Now in Weldon Steele

- last Thursday the dynamic duo of Erwin Nyfeler

and Ken Robertson managed to win 1 out of 3 points

which is 100 per cent more than those won by Bob Helfrich

and Ron (Token Canadian?) Hayward.

( Honestly they tried hard but tough to beat a 75 year old who nets 59!)

This was against Shuswap Lake Estates!

We sort of all felt like this after the affair!

However due to Bob's, Ron's, Erwin's and Jorgen's great play last week

we managed to eke out a 1/2 point victory overall!

Whew!

This week Don Ozubko, Rob Egan, Dana Skoberg, and Rick Baker take on Kamlooops here on Thursday and next week there on Thursday - good luck guys!

Don Puhach managed to sneak in a Mexican Peso for a Loonie at check-in

but the ever vigilant Dave Hay

was up to that old rascal's tricks and managed to give it back and

get the proper change from the bandit!

Now if he will only pay me the $4 that I overpaid this week!

We paid out $10 a deuce as there were 5 deuces this week - two by Skoberg?

Huh?

The others were by Mark Bigon?, John Dumont (only thing he did all day!)

and Erwin Nyfeler (he thought it was a soccer practise!)

Now to the real game - garbage golf!

In 6th place was Sal Harms group!

Sal, Heather, Dana and that old reprobate Dan Watt were keen to collect their $10 bucks!

Tied for 4th and 5th spot were the teams of:

Bev, Barry, and Laurel!

Then came:

Mary, Gerry, Ed (How the heck did he win again?) and Mel

- hey we were too good to you guys last week

- give it a rest and let someone else win!

In 3rd spot was the group of:

Dave, oops senior moment! Forgot! somebody give me the lady's name please, Dave and John.

Then roaring into second place was the fine? group of:

Jorgen, Myrtle and Art.

Their fourth left due to personal embarrassment!

And ta da - the numero uno group this week was - you know the prat that organized this thing - they read the rule where groups of three play two balls and so they all did and that's why they won!

How Ozubko and Pockett can face themselves in the morning after pulling

this trick on all of us is beyond contemplation

- of course the organizing prat took all the money and ran!

Some other erstwhile and nondescript groups were out on the course today and even the team with Freddy Freeloader's scoring skills was unable to win so it shows you that adding two subtracting four and doing a pi r squared really pays off!

Brenda, Jumping Jack Flash, Go fish, and Ken were awful (ly) close to winning

doesn't that count for something?

Molloy, Tiger chasing lady, and creampuff were also somewhere on the course!

Freddie Freeloader, the old latin lover, John and his shorts and Del were also on the course.

The bright flash is the reflection off John's winter white legs!

Mark, Can't get no respect, Token Canadian, and Pooch were also messes on the course.

Mark, Lorraine, Rick and Karen played very slowly but painfully as well!

Mr Torts is us, Carol? and Bill (Just call me Sandy!) were here - she who falls from Grace was also around but had to leave for a hot yoga treatment.

Last and least was the almost ravishing team of Ley, Wayne, Linc and

that old dimplefaced **** is going to get hit real hard were also

in play but not scoring well!

I managed to take a shot of Jen and Wayne raking in the cash in the pro shop!

And just to show you that Dumont actually played to-day

here he is about to take a 5 on number 15!

So it looks like Texas Scramble next week

- file your spikes and get ready to get to grips with

your opponents!

8:30 AM is the start time!
You might have to click on Olive to see the action!

A Retirement Joke courtesy of Rick Baker!

2011-05-17T21:25:00.001-07:00

One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."
"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, where did you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
The guy is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says.
So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to an cabin and tree house.
    While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please."

"Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. There's something I'm certain you feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for, right?" She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

"You've built a Golf Course ?"

May 18 Garbage golf to you too!

2011-05-16T22:39:00.000-07:00

The powers that be have decreed that we will be playing "garbage" golf this week!

This according to the Einstein of Golf Games (AKA Dave "Crash" Hay!) is how it works!

EAGLE POINT SENIORS GOLF
Wed May 18 9 AM Shotgun Start!
“Garbage”
Team Game
·    All Players play their own ball from tee thru green.
·    On top of card record each players gross score.
·    On bottom of card, on each hole, using players “strokes”, record the total points for the team as follows:
·    1 pt for net bogie
·    2 pts for net par
·    3 pts for net birdie
·    4 pts for net eagle
·    5 pts for net double eagle
·    Add up the total of “garbage” points after 18 holes for team total
·    3-somes take turns playing two balls

And according to the same self appointed prat here is how a score card would look!

If you can figure this out then you are another wizard!

This is what should happen to guys that make up these rules!

May 11 Results of 1-2-3 Low net - What the?

2011-05-11T16:02:00.000-07:00

Fifty-six out today - a record

- Larry Sill was unable to golf cause so many showed up

and at the end he was without a group to go with so actually there were 57 out

- great stuff!

15 Ladies and Shirley were out!

Oh and Shirley Wicklund shot a DEUCE in case you didn't know it yet!

Did you hear the good news today? Shirley shot a DEUCE in case she hasn't told you yet!

HE HE HE

These other low lifers were also on the course and managed to score $5 deuces too!

Dave Barker, Dave Assmus, Dave Hampton, and Sal Harms!

Sometimes don't you wish you could do this to the Deuce winners?

Apparently the Ladies Ina Guile Team was out at Sunshore last week

and they were absolutely thrashed about 38 1/2 to 33 1/2

- what can you do?

The Men's Weldon Steele team hosted Shuswap Lake this past Thursday

and you know the guys don't ever (hardly ever) let you down!

They took 5 1/2 points out of a possible 6 and that goes to prove something?

Tomorrow they are up against Shuswap at Shuswap and Robertson is taking Sveistrup's place

so he hopes there are some big coattails to ride to a victory on!

Now to the results of 56 people playing 1-2-3 Low Net

- first hole you score the lowest net,

next hole you score the 2 lowest nets

and the 3rd hole you score the three lowest nets.

Then you add them all up

and hope that Fred Hamarlund has done your scoring for you

cause you always win when Freddie adds them up!

Two teams were tied for 8th spot and got $20 a team!

Bill ( I's got some sand caught between me toes!) Brown, John Winder?,

the ever Divine Laurel,

and Barry (Did you guys really drink my Deuce money?) Hill.

As you can see Ley MacMillan was almost asleep at the switch,

Mark Nadler was sure they would have won had they used his scores,

Gerry Campbell is seeking an appeal

and Erwin Nyfeler is thinking that Swiss Pastries aren't so bad after all!

Then we move right along to 6th place.

Bob Helfrich, Dave Assmus, Flavio Facchin and Freddie Freeloader were quick to collect their money before somebody checked Freddie's scoring again!

Then we had two teams tied for 5th spot.

Bev McIntosh and Tave Dandy managed to drag home John Dumont and John French.

As you can see Dumont wasn't really into the game

and French should have kept reeling them in but instead they played golf!?

Dave Bacon, Karen King, and Lorraine Zimmer managed to get Ozubko before he got to the bar and unlike last week he was stone cold sober to face the golfing Gods today - apparently last week's picture got him in trouble on the home front! Good! He He He!

As you can see when Ozubko is driving anything is possible!

Now we get down to the really good golfers who were out on the course today!

In Third spot was the foursome of:

Linc Cadogan, Jorgen or Jon Sveistrup or Smith, Rob (Mr. Cool is back!) Egan and the ever patient Myrtle Cadogan.

They were able to invest in a real hot vehicle with their winnings and wandered on home!

In Second place only cause they didn't have the fine talents of Freddie Freeloader to do their scoring was the team of:

Del Macready (shot a 90!),

Pooch,

Mr. He He He (Shot an 89 and got a 4 on 14 Net 3!)

and Dave (I branged my D game to the course today!) Hampton.

They loved posing for their formal picture after the event!

Not sure who wore the dress?

Now the clouds part, the trumpets blare, the sun shines and here are the Number One Premier Group this week!

Deuces are wild was there, Ed (How the hell did he make it again?) Velestuk,

and new to the group so we had to let them win were

Mel (Old hometown boy!) Cassidy

and his charming daughter Mary!

The very coveted Senior Token of the week was WON? by Lorraine Zimmer.

She managed to finagle to be closest to the pin in the sand box on Hole #4

- congratulations!

We think!

There were some charming other groups out on the course today!

Angus ( I tell you man I'm gonna hit that dimple faced *****! Real Hard!) Gouthro, Gloria Tewnion, Jack (Flash) Mathews, and some police dog handler that got lost on the way to work! (Claimed he had to keep an eye on Angus!)

Gloria apparently lead this group through a special maze that was built just for her!

He He He - the pain I'll suffer will be worth it!

Also ran out of the park and off the course today was this charming group!

Dave (yes he is scared of a little pussy!

See Wednesday, July 21, 2010 if you don't believe me!)

Barker,

Doug (I've got a hole in my!) Pockett, Ron (Ain't I pretty today!?) Hayward, and Callaway lost it's investment potential when they let Charlie Molloy wear their hat!

This could be a better game for these guys to play!

They were accompanied by this group!

Arlene (How the heck did Pooch win? He better get the carpet cleaned before I get home!) Sahlstrom, Art and Sal Harms (she said the link would work and I let you be the judge!) and Heather Heron.

They took losing real hard and even Jacques didn't want to stop them on the way home!

This group of charmers were also wuzzes on the course today!

The Tiger lady was in full form and Dave (Crash) Hay was there -

Campbell who loves getting his picture was around the course

but mostly asleep at the switch

and Brian Whitehead was allowed by his mommy to ride his motorbike up to the course

(on the premise that he probably would get lost on the way home!)

was there too but he hates his picture being taken

- notice he gets really red eyed about it!

These two groups seemed to appear like a mirage now and then

- did they play on the course or what!?

They refused to answer questions about their results - for good reason apparently -

heavy drinking was the order of the day for them!

Jack (I have shot a 78 don't you know!) Angstad, Bill Brown,

Dana (The real gorilla!) Skoberg and the ever charming

Ferne Gosselin were here today!

So was this group of great sports

- what one they played today was hard to tell!

Ron ( If I knew my Tort from your assets!) Watson,

Rick ( I hit the ball long and I hit the ball straight but never at the same time!) Baker,

Terry ( I am sure I heard the Umpire call it a foul ball?) Haines

and yes she did - she fell from Grace!

This was how their game went!

So remember be here by 8:30 AM on Wednesdays, bring your wives or girlfriends

- not both dummy

and pay your six bucks and be happy everyone gets to laugh at you

- you aren't that damn good you know!

May 11 Tee off is 9:00 AM - be here by 8:45 if possible! And if you ain't dead!

2011-05-10T12:18:00.000-07:00

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.
The man said to the dentist,
"Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry.!
I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf.
So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it
. We have a 10:00 am tee time at the best golf course in town
and it's 9:30 already.
I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"
The dentist thought to himself,
"My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled
without using anything to kill the pain."
So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said,
"Open your mouth honey, and show him".